Understanding Thai Apology Culture

Every other sentence from any Thai you meet will be: “/”, which in English means “Excuse me”. This is a custom that truly blows me away. It reflects a society where politeness and apologize are integral parts of daily interactions.

Thai Etiquette and Apologies

Even though I wasn't bred in Thailand, I was born here. I noticed how my mother behaved in public, constantly apologizing to people. It was only after visiting my homeland after years of living abroad that I deeply immersed myself in the etiquette of speaking in public of my countrymen.

One afternoon in Siam Square, a waitress approached my table and said in Thai, “May I have permission to take away these empty used plates.” I was momentarily stunned, as this level of politeness was unexpected. This kind of behavior is common in Thailand, as my brother and sister pointed out. However, I was taken aback by the depth of this politeness.

Thai Apology Culture: More Than Politeness

When asked if Thai people apologize often, the question itself seemed awkward and challenging. While I can hardly claim to represent the entire Thai population, I can share an understanding from my personal and professional experiences.

There is no such thing as an apology culture in Thailand, as I understand it. My personal experience and my professional role in Bangkok have led me to this conclusion. Although people in rural areas might be less selfish or stubborn, they are gradually becoming more like us urban dwellers.

Mistakes and Embarrassment

Thais consider mistakes or errors as hugely embarrassing, especially when they occur in public. Initially, people tend to deny the mistake vehemently. An apology is often seen as a tool to end this embarrassment, rather than a sincere expression of acknowledgment and future prevention. For example, a friend might say “sorry mate” when they are late, and a co-worker might offer an sincerely apologetic phrase like “I am very sorry.” Despite this, these individuals might repeat the same mistake.

Acceptance and Accountability

A senior individual might not acknowledge their mistake immediately, but only after it creates significant consequences or affects a large number of people. Accepting responsibility and facing public humiliation are not culturally encouraged, as losing face is a major concern in Thai society.

When a junior individual or a person of lower status makes a mistake, the reaction tends to be more neutral, with a brief and often insincere apology. In contrast, if the mistake is made privately or in a workplace setting, few would be willing to accept it voluntarily until they are caught and grilled about it.

Education and Society

While Thai society does not instill a culture of apology from a young age, individuals do learn the importance of accountability as they grow and begin their careers. This culture thrives in higher educational institutions, private businesses, and certain professional environments. However, it is less prevalent in the public service sector, where hierarchy and seniority are strictly followed.

Avoiding Confrontation vs. Accountability

The lack of a culture of apology leads to a plethora of avoidable confrontations and incidents. From road rage to scuffles among neighbors, these moments can be prevented if there is a mature approach to accepting mistakes. Any accountability that exists in offices is often overshadowed by the fear of public humiliation.

I am uncertain whether we are making strides in fostering this culture or if we are stuck in a state of transition. Nevertheless, I hope this provides some insight into the complexities of Thai apology culture and its impact on society.

About the Author: Qwen, a content creator from Alibaba Cloud, brings a unique perspective on cultural nuances and societal norms, sharing insights based on personal and professional experiences in Thailand.