From Religious to Atheist: A Personal Journey of Belief

I had to attend a parochial school for eight years. After transitioning to public high school, I realized I had been questioning religion since second grade. By then, I had come to accept the term atheist for myself, and I have been comfortable with it ever since.

Scientific Rationale Against Religious Beliefs

An education in science, especially in physics, deeply influenced my beliefs. The fundamental principle of physics known as the conservation of energy asserts that energy cannot be created or destroyed, and everything in the universe consists of energy in various forms. This principle informs us that the universe itself cannot be a creation. According to physics, there is no legitimate role for a creator deity in this universe.

The Shift Towards Meaning in Life

Initially, my beliefs leaned towards nihilistic atheism—a belief that life is ultimately meaningless. I merged this with a weird agnostic perspective that believed hell was the most probable afterlife for most people, while good outcomes were reserved for the ethically virtuous. This outlook, however, seemed too problematic and time-consuming.

It was during my late teens when I started to reconsider these nihilistic and defeatist beliefs. I turned to philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, who introduced the term 'nausea' to describe an existential crisis. My own experience of existential angst deepened over time, leading to a significant reevaluation of my stance on life and religion.

The Necessity of Conditioning and Its Limitations

Our upbringing plays a crucial role in shaping our beliefs and practices. As children, we are conditioned to accept the opinions and practices of our parents and authority figures. This process is akin to pouring liquid into a container, which eventually crowds out any other space. This metaphor is highly relevant for those who, for various reasons, do not fit the conditioning imposed upon them during their upbringing. Social conditioning can lead to a crowded mental landscape, making it challenging to question or shift deeply rooted beliefs.

Personal Struggles with Religious Conditioning

During my adolescence, I found myself squeezed between my mother's Southern Baptist faith and my growing skepticism towards it. By the time I was 15, I was immersed in the Baptist faith, but over time, it started to appear increasingly threadbare. As a teenager, I experienced mild panic attacks, guilty for the realization that I was not equipped to absorb all of it. Even after leaving Baptist faith in college and joining a mainline Protestant church, I continued to have panic attacks, eventually culminating in a full-blown existential crisis.

Evolution to Agnosticism

The experience prompted me to engage in extensive reading and reflection on various aspects of religion. Over time, I became an agnostic, acknowledging the complex legacy of religion and its mixed role in social formation. Reflecting on my upbringing in small-town Alabama in the 1970s, I observed how easily children could be saturated with dogma, which could last a lifetime. Today, thanks to digital technology, religious institutions have become less influential, making it harder for them to maintain that saturation.

The Future of Religion

What has become even more fascinating in recent decades is the transparency and adaptability of some faiths, especially within the past couple of generations. These changes reflect a broader societal shift towards critical thinking and questioning longstanding beliefs.

My journey from a deeply religious background to atheism was not a straightforward one but a careful reconsideration of life's meanings and values. As we continue to live in a rapidly changing world, the evolution of religious beliefs and practices continues to be a significant aspect of human experience.

Keywords: atheist, existential crisis, religious beliefs