Is It Okay to Send Flowers to a Jewish Funeral?

When it comes to sending flowers to a Jewish funeral, it's important to understand and respect the cultural and religious traditions of the Jewish community. Unlike in some other communities, flowers are not a part of Jewish funeral customs.

Understanding Jewish Funeral Traditions

Most communities, particularly those in the United Kingdom with Ashkenazi heritage, have specific traditions that guide practices during a Jewish funeral. One such tradition is the absence of flowers, reflecting a deeply held belief in the sanctity and simplicity of the mourning process. While formal floral arrangements are not customary, there are other thoughtful gestures that can be considered.

Offering Charitable Donations

In lieu of flowers, the most appropriate gesture is to make a charitable donation in honor of the deceased. This can be directed to a synagogue, a Jewish school, or a charity that holds personal significance for the decedent or the family. Donations can also support causes such as medical research, which can greatly benefit the family and the community.

Encouraging Attendance and Comforting the Mourners

Another significant way to honor the deceased is to participate in the mourning process by attending the funeral or visiting the grieving family during the period of sitting shiva. Sitting shiva is a seven-day mourning period where friends and family come together to support the bereaved. While mourning people traditionally wear black clothing, the specific dress code can vary based on the level of observance of the family. It is also important to note that sitting shiva is not limited to just the immediate family but extends to friends and community members who wish to express their condolences.

Why Flowers Are Not Traditionally Used

The practice of using flowers during funerals dates back to times when refrigeration was not available. Traditionally, the bodies of the deceased were buried quickly to prevent decomposition and the associated odor. In Jewish tradition, funerals are conducted as soon as possible after death, often the same or the next day. This practice eliminates the need for flowers to mask any smell, and as such, sending flowers has never been a customary part of the tradition.

Respecting the Family’s Wishes

While it is not inherently wrong to send flowers, it is essential to respect the family's preference. If you are unsure of the appropriate gesture, it is best to ask what would be meaningful to them. Many families may appreciate your thoughtfulness through a donation to a charity they support, or your presence at the funeral or during the period of sitting shiva.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the most meaningful and respectful support for a family during a Jewish funeral is to honor their traditions and customs, whether that is by making a donation to charity or simply being present to offer comfort. By respecting these traditions, we not only show respect for the deceased but also for the deep-rooted beliefs and practices of the Jewish community.