Navigating Toxic Relationships: Why Your Narcissist Ex Reaches Out

The text from your ex-narcisst on Cinco de Mayo, titled, "happy cinco de mayo sweetie," may be more than just a mere message. For a narcissist, every date, every opportunity, is a chance to assert their control over you, no matter how long you've moved on. This article delves into the psychology behind their behavior and provides actionable advice on how to handle such situations.

Understanding Narcissist Reaches Out

Why Does He Still Care? A message like, "Happy Cinco de Mayo sweetie," suggests that your ex-narcissist still cares enough to test the waters. Narcissists, by their very nature, thrive on attention and validation. This message is an attempt to gauge your reaction and reaffirm their hold over you, even if you're already moving on with your life.

The Psychology Behind Narcissist's Behavior

Narcissists and Hoovering: The term "hoovering" is a colloquial term used in the context of narcissists who attempt to reassert control over their ex-partner. For a narcissist, you are only valuable as a source of supply. They do not see you as a person with feelings, needs, or desires. When they "hoover" you, they are testing to see if you still consider them significant enough to acknowledge or remember their efforts.

Narcissist's Attention: Your ex-narcissist's message with the term "sweetie" may seem endearing, but in reality, it is a manipulative tactic. This term is often used when a narcissist cannot find a sincere address for their victims. It is hollow and cheap, designed to evoke a response, not genuine affection. In my personal experience, I was called by this term during a toxic relationship, and it never felt sincere or sweet. Instead, it felt fake and ordinary.

Ignoring the Narcissist's Attempts

Don't Engage: The best course of action is to ignore any attempts from your ex-narcissist, no matter how subtle or indirect. Engaging in any form of response will only give them the validation they crave and may even strengthen their grip on you. It is crucial to maintain your boundaries and prioritize your mental well-being.

No Contact Policy: Establish a no contact policy and stick to it. This means not responding to any messages, calls, or social media interactions. Narcissists may be trying to play a power game, but it's essential to assert that you are not interested in participating. It may be hard, especially with a strong emotional attachment, but maintaining your boundaries is the key to moving forward.

Personal Experience and Advice

From My Mistakes: I have been in relationships with three narcissists, and I believe it is because my biological father was a narcissist. This has led me to repeatedly enter into toxic relationships. I have learned from my mistakes and hope that sharing my journey can help others avoid similar pitfalls. Learning to treat yourself with the same kindness and self-care you would offer a friend is crucial.

Signs of Narcissism: Knowing the signs of a narcissist can help you protect yourself from future relationships. They are not just interested in you; they see you as a means to their own ends. Their behavior is not about love, but about control and manipulation.

Conclusion

When your ex-narcisst tries to reach out with something like a Cinco de Mayo message, it is a clear sign of their attempt to reassert control. By ignoring them and maintaining a no contact policy, you can protect your well-being and move on with your life. Remember, it is essential to treat yourself with love and respect to avoid falling into the same toxic pattern.