Reflections of a Struggling Student: What I Miss Most

Introduction to My Journey

Radhe Radhe, my teacher taught me to greet in this manner, and I plan to apply this every time. As a nature explorer, I found that exploring new things can be exhilarating, but once you become too familiar, the thrill diminishes. The same applies to happiness derived from making others happy; initial joy turns into anxiety when there are unrealistic expectations.

Recently, I was overwhelmed by a busy schedule, and let's face it, Kota can be a place where emotions are easily triggered—often for the wrong reasons. My hostel, the warden, and the fellow students I met there brought a lot of trauma.

One of the essential lessons I learned is that your ability to study is significantly influenced by your surroundings. Due to inadequate living conditions, my physical health deteriorated, leading to two test failures. The anxiety and depression continue, as I face another set of exams.

I'm currently revisiting Quora for potential solutions and further escape routes, but deep down, I hide these struggles from my loved ones. Lying has become a coping mechanism.

My Favorite Junk Food: A Temporary Escape

My love for junk food is never-ending, and it provides temporary relief from the stress and guilt associated with my failed attempts at success. However, it's only a short-term fix, and true happiness comes from within.

Missed Innocence and Present Moments

I miss the past most of all. The past—I believe it was filled with more freedom and joy, with no stress over failure and success. Back then, my childhood was blissful and spontaneous, without any formal financial or academic responsibilities.

A turning point in my mindset came when I read Shlok Shrivastva's Tech Burner story. He highlighted how people often romanticize the past, overlooking the freedoms they have today. I started to appreciate the present more, understanding that we have more choices and freedoms now compared to when I was a child.

Childhood Memories and Aspirations

Those carefree days remind me of how far I've come, but also how much potential I squandered. I often find myself missing the old me—the studious, focused person from my school days. College life and personal incidents have derailed my path, and now I'm struggling to regain that focus.

My memory has weakened, and even simple tasks like studying seem challenging. Yet, I'm well aware that my genuine capabilities were never surpassed. Even maintaining an average performance was effortless, and I yearn for that past strength and confidence.

The Power of Future Manifestation

Despite my current struggles, I remain optimistic and inspired by the power of manifestation. I visualize my future daily and work towards making it a reality. This practice keeps me motivated, providing a sense of direction amidst the chaos.

Conclusion

While I miss the past, the present, and who I used to be, the future is what truly captures my imagination. It's both a source of anxiety and a beacon of hope. By understanding that the present provides more freedom and opportunities, I can channel my efforts into achieving my goals.