Why Do I Remain a Good Person Despite Bad Treatment?

There is a common misconception that someone who is mistreated is inherently a bad person. However, this is far from the truth. The act of people mistreating others does not make those individuals good or bad. Instead, it is a reflection of their own psychological state and personal insecurities. Bad people don't feel bad because their behavior is a habit, and they believe they are right in their ways. This article explores why bad behavior from others does not define us, the psychological reasons behind it, and how to maintain one's own integrity even in adverse conditions.

The Psychology of Bad Behavior

Often, when someone treats you badly, it is due to deeper personal issues, such as their own insecurity or past traumatic experiences. These individuals may perceive others as a threat, and by dragging them down, they can elevate their own self-esteem. For example, adults who were subjected to childhood abuse may act out in similar ways to cope with unresolved emotional traumas. Furthermore, some people learn this behavior from their upbringing, where being nice is seen as a sign of weakness, not respect.

Breaking the Cycle

One of the key factors in maintaining one's integrity despite bad treatment is understanding that your worth is not determined by how others treat you. I do not fit their preconceived notions of me, nor do I allow myself to be controlled. If I wish to be submissive, I would be in the military or some other disciplined profession. I cannot tolerate being treated badly without any reason. It is as though I have an ingrained sense to rebel against such unfair treatment.

The Absence of Self-awareness Among Bad People

Another significant observation is that bad people often lack self-awareness regarding their actions. They undergo an unconscious process of oppressing and hurting others while believing they are merely fulfilling their rightful place in the world. This misconception about their own behavior can lead to a cycle of abuse that they perpetuate without understanding the harm they cause. The bad boss syndrome is a prime example of this phenomenon, where the abuser lacks awareness of their actions and consequently fails to address and change their behavior.

Reframing 'Good' and 'Bad'

I personally prefer avoiding the terms 'good' and 'bad' as they serve as false representations of a person's character. People can be generous and loving one moment and selfish and cruel the next. The act of mistreating someone can sometimes arise from unconscious urges, rather than any malicious intent. Conversely, good people might sometimes mistreat or take you for granted unintentionally. These individuals, despite their lapses, still have a fundamental goodness and willingness to grow and learn.

Embracing the Adage 'Bad Things Happen to Good People'

The saying, "bad things happen to good people", is indeed true. It may be harder for good people to let things slide or fight less, allowing bad people to tear them down in fights. However, it is important to recognize that good people are not passive victims. They fight for their right to be treated with dignity and respect, and sometimes, the fight itself can be a form of resistance against bad behavior. The ease of the fight can make it easier for bad people to feel satisfied in their mistreatment, but good people should not let that satisfaction go unchallenged.