Why the Flying Spaghetti Monster Can't Make Me a Pastafarian

For those unfamiliar, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a satirical and often atheist creation that has gained a following, particularly within the Pastafarian movement. Some see it as a humorous and light-hearted take on organized religion, while others use it to criticize organized religion itself. Whether one sides with the Goddess of the Invisible Pink Unicorn or the FSM, it opens up discussions about religious beliefs and practices that can be quite intriguing.

On the other hand, for myself, my decision to become a Pastafarian is not as simple as accepting the FSM as my deity. Here are some of the reasons that prevent me from fully embracing this spiritual journey:

Theological Quandaries

The concept of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is clearly a satirical response to the idea of theism. It provides a humorous commentary on the existence of a false god, which makes it an interesting object of study, but not one that can persuade me to change my dietary habits in the most critical of ways. My aversion to gluten, combined with the transubstantiation carried out in traditional Catholic mass, presents an intriguing challenge that has not been adequately addressed by the FSM. The notion of converting noodles into steak, for example, while creative, is still far from addressing my dietary restrictions.

My Spiritual Path

Although I do identify as a member of the Dutch branch of the FSM church, my commitment is more secular than religious. For me, being a Pastafarian is about questioning and critiquing organized religion, not necessarily about adopting a new spiritual practice. The idea of becoming a Pastafarian involves a significant commitment to the FSM and its teachings, and I am still exploring whether this aligns with my personal values and beliefs.

Personal Flaws in the Culinary Department

Another major roadblock in my potential conversion is my personal culinary preferences. The phrase 'Too much oregano in the sauce and not enough garlic in the meatballs' highlights a serious drawback. While the FSM is celebrated for its love of spaghetti and meatballs, I find these dishes just as discerning as the person serving them. As a discerning eater, my critique of the FSM's culinary offerings is not just about taste but also about the authenticity of this deity. If he cannot outshine my mother's spaghetti and meatballs, it raises questions about his divine nature and whether I should take this deity seriously.

Conclusion

While the Flying Spaghetti Monster continues to entertain and make waves within the critique of organized religion, it is far from leading the way towards my newfound spiritual destiny. Whether it is my health issues, my lack of commitment to the FSM's teachings, or my dissatisfaction with the culinary offerings, the Flying Spaghetti Monster remains a figure of ridicule rather than reverence. It is both a testament to the absurdity of religious practices and an inspiring reminder to question and criticize in the name of reason and personal freedom.